Heaven on Earth
by TreexLadyxLove
Summary: Spencer and Ashley were meant to be together, forever, right? Too bad fate decides to get in the way, by whisking one of the girls away to a place called Heaven. How will the other one cope and learn to hold onto memories that always seem to fade?


Heaven on Earth

I had never been more depressed in my life, than the day Spencer Carlin died. I remember the hollow feeling that started to eat away at me like some sick disease. There was no running away from reality, and the only thing I knew how to do was run. It was the first time I had to face the cold truth alone. When my father died, Spencer was there for me, even though I didn't let her in at first.

I remember getting a phone call from Mr. Carlin, I was surprised at first that he was calling me; I figured it was Spencer using her Dad's phone.

_"Ashley?" I heard, his voice, now dry from incessant sobbing. _

_"Mr. C?" I asked him, completely confused. _

_"Ashley, honey, Spencer is gone." I heard these words but could not fully comprehend them. _

_"Where did she go? She never told me she was going anywhere this weekend," I responded, utterly clueless as to what he really meant. _

_"Spencer," He took a minute to compose himself, "-Spencer is dead. She passed away at midnight in the hospital that Paula works at." _

_I could feel this massive lump form at the base of my throat. My brain was scattered, struggling to accept this new surprise information. My face had grown hot and sweat was starting to form along my brows. _

_"Wh-w, how?" I finally managed to choke out. _

_"She was in a car accident on the way over to Chelsea's place," Mr. Carlin explained in his most clinical tone, trying to make this sound like any other accident. _

_"No, Mr. Carlin, this-this can't happen," I started to sputter, tears collecting and then flowing freely down my cheeks. My chest started to heave as the sobs attempted to escape my body. _

_"Ashley honey, it did," He said in a final tone. I nearly choked on my own tears and without a goodbye, I hung up the phone, and fell to the floor. _

I was sitting in the shower, trying to forget, yet wanting to hold onto every single memory. Spencer was everything I had lived for; she was the only thing that kept me breathing. I looked up at the showerhead and let the water flood my body; I tried to drown my pores in water, so that I might suffocate and finally be able to see my love again.

I had said "I love you" to her so many times, and I wish that I had one more chance to look into her stormy blue eyes and mean it with every fiber of my soul. I wish I could connect my lips with hers and feel that familiar warmth that I had been missing for so long. I would pay every cent that I own in order to spend one more day with her, to soak in every facial expression and have a chance to hear her voice one more time, saying my name.

The water was beating hard on my back as I sat down on the cold tile. Why couldn't I just be sucked down the drain and disappear off the face of the earth? Why couldn't I be a strand of hair that spirals down into the black abyss, unknown and undiscovered. My tears blended with the beads of water cascading down my skin, and left a uniquely salty taste upon my lips. I looked down at my body and I remembered Spencer.

_"Are you sure you want to do this?" I questioned her for the 5__th__ or so time. _

_"Ashley, I want this even more than you do," She said eagerly, trailing her lips down my collarbone. _

_"I just," I gasped at where she had placed her hands, "…don't want you to regret this." _

_"Stop worrying about me, think about _your _needs right now," Spencer whispered playfully in my ear as she began to slip off my jacket. _

_"I love you," I told her in complete honesty as I helped her remove my jean skirt. _

_"I know," Spencer continued unclothing us and then added to her previous statement, "And you'll love me even more after tonight." _

_I looked into her captivating eyes and saw a teasing grin on her smug face that nearly convinced me right then, that she was all I could ever need in this world. She was so unlike herself that night, it was Spencer cut loose, gone wild, letting go. She was letting go of her conformity and speeding into a place where love was hard to find._

I grinned at this memory; it was the first time a smile had stretched across my face in weeks. I hopped out of the shower and dried my curly black hair. I decided that it was time to pay a visit to the Carlin's house.

I knew they probably wouldn't want me there, but I never got a chance to talk to them at the funeral. So I jumped in my beamer and sped off to an empty home.

"Ashley, what are you doing here?" Paula asked me at the front door.

"I-I just wanted to talk to you guys about Spencer," I admitted, stuttering at first.

"Come on in," Paula motioned. Her face looked like it was weathering away with each day; the once fiery energy that had burned in her eyes was gone.

We walked into her living room and I sat down next to her on the couch. Paula had never liked me, and I was looking for another Carlin to walk into the room, but I had something to say to _anyone _who would listen.

"Look, Paula, I know you never liked me. I know you never will. But I have to tell you that I have never felt so incomplete in all my life. The first day I met Spencer I had this…intuitive feeling, that she would play a major role in my life." I looked at Paula who had tears in her eyes and continued, "Me and Spencer were in love, I will never deny that, no matter how many people think it is socially unacceptable. You may think that we didn't know what love was…but I know that what I felt for her was something so unconditional and true it could never be ignored."

I paused for a moment, pulling myself together, and then began again, "I know she felt the same way. You may not want to believe it, but your daughter chose a different path," hot tears ran down my face and my voice wavered as I finished, "And I thank G-God for every day that I was able to spend with her. I am so f-fortunate to have been in love with the most beautiful, compassionate, and f-forgiving person."

I was reduced to complete sobs and no longer had the will to pull myself together. I collapsed on the Carlin's couch and Paula wrapped her understanding arms around me. We shook like thunderous mountains, weeping together over a girl we had fought over for too long.

"You will always be a part of this family, whether you like it or not," Paula assured me, placing a strand of hair behind my ear in the most motherly fashion.

"Can I see her room?" I asked blatantly.

"Of course," Paula responded and watched me as I ascended the stairs. I walked into Spencer's room, exactly the way it was when I had seen it last. Her bed still hadn't been made and all of her clothes were still in the dirty hamper by her door. I walked over to her bed and sat on it. I slipped off my shoes and buried my feet in-between the sheets. I dug my head into Spencer's pillow and I could still smell her vanilla scented shampoo. I wept as I hugged her pillow with all of my might, trying to hug some form of Spencer that had been imprinted in the fabric.

I wanted to run, to leave LA and never come back. I always ran, whether I felt it was the right thing or not, but there was no running from memories that attach themselves to the inside of your eyelids. No use in running from a tragedy that already occurred. Not a chance that I would leave this city, and be totally and completely alone in a foreign country. I would have to face the music for once in my life.

I would never let a day pass without thinking of Spencer Carlin. She had become a part of my soul, and now a large portion of it is up in heaven. I can only hope that the rest of me will one day follow so that we can love each other in a world without labels, lies, and ended lives.

Spencer Carlin, rest in peace, and may your days in heaven bring you as much joy as my days with you on earth.


End file.
